...- updates -...

i know....i havent been updating lately. ive been super busy. this is the first time in dayz im actually at home. i promise i'll update soon. got loadsa picz i need to photoshop and eventz i need to recall but i promise, it'll be soon.

...-!!! RATED !!!-...

yeash!!...a coupla wordz and my blog is rated this??...man..they shud update the blog rater website...have you heard the type of language those under 17 are using nowadayz??

...-idiots-...

i feel like a b.i.g. fat idiot........*ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*....screw everything la.....not worth it......

-fcuk the world...'cause it fcuked with me first-

...*title-less*...

i didnt know whud title to honor this post. im drawing blanks now people. i fear my ranting abilities are slowly depeleting. i think ive grown bored of this whole blogging thingy. i mean, your own space to rant/rave/bitch/scar n stuff is all good and shyt but, it's mesmorizing effects towards me is s...l.....o.........w...........l..............y dissapearing. i would like to cry out for help here but, i dont feel the need too. my initial hesitance in starting this blog thingy is coming back. i mean i use to laugh at my sis when she started hers ages ago. then i thought..[ hmmm...there must be something to this..] so i started mine.

in the beginning, everything was like...wow...effin exciting 'cause i was learning like css coding n html stuff to add to my blog. now, im effin fed up with it. the few people who actually read my blog and their constantly say...[ can you PLZ update ure blog??. it's not fun to read the same damn thing over and over again..]. and when i mean few people, the grand total prolly comes to 3?? i mean it's all good that their people who actually care enuff to read the moody posts i constantly upload but c'mon la.....there's only so much i can write about everyday.

so from now on, i think i'll take my blog in different directions. we'll see how it goes. till then, everyone'll just hafta be content with my moody posts....so there...*=p*....

...- dedication -...

...- there's a void within me -...

...- it's left empty now you're gone -...

...- it's your's to keep -...

...- when you come back -...

...- or if you don't -...

...- i've placed your name on the door -...

...- remember -...

...- i've loved you standing next to you -...

...- it's longing from afar now -...

...- this empty place is your's to fill again -...

...- if i let you in -...

...- you meant the world to me -...

...- you still do -...

...:: abso-fcukin-lutely fantabulous holiday ::...

i had the most fantabulous holiday a coupla dayz ago. went to lang tengah island. its this remote place la btw redang island and perhentian. pretty isolated n left on its own. there were about 30 ppl who went. willing hands members and friends. i know....a lotta people.

pretty innit??....everything was so absolutely purrrfect. the hotel we stayed in was pretty basic. out room had only the basic amenities to survive but we hardly spent any time in it, only to sleep. even that was really late. i hardly spent anytime in the room.

travelling to the island was hell. almost a whole day. our flight on thurs was at 7.20 in the mornin. debbie had hired a car to take us to the airport so we were picked up at 5 in the morning. can u imagine, sasha, gettin up at freakin 4?...i do not want to repeat that ever again. our flight was to kota bahru. we bought tix fer this airport cuz the onez to kuala terengganu were double the price. anyway, after landing, we were supposed to get on a bus and drive back to kuala terengganu, the merang jetty, to take the ferry to lang tengah. that was another freakin 3 hour drive. this was about 8.30 in the morning. beer was flowing freely throughout the whole bus ride. apparently there was a problem in checking in the crate of beer at the airport so everyone resorted to packin in a coupla cans into their bags. the beer stash was almost depleted even before reaching the island. after that, it was an hour ferry ride to the island. it felt like it was never ending.

whud party is complete with out booze. we had our fair share of it, every nyte. u name it we had it on the island. everyone brought at least one bottle each. we had limited mixers, so i was tryin out stuff that sometimez shouldnt be mixed. but the best was the skyy berry and the pepsi twist. was beyond amazing. then there was beer which was bought on the island at 190 buckz a crate. freakin robbery. there was the potent alco that eugene and corrine brought. bacardi 151. 75% BLOODY ALCO CONTENT. it freakin burns when you drink it. you suddenly become aware of your stomach and its contents. potent shyt.

halfway through the nyte, we ran out of mixers, hence the bloody plastered faces. the bacardi didnt help it either. we had james runnin around in his boxers n stuff. due to the fact that there might be underaged readers of this blog, and also to save the sight of those who arent underaged, no picz of this event will be posted.

we spent most of our time snorkelling, swimming and lazing on the beach. snorkelling was good but most of the coral around the beach area were mostly dead, so not many fishes were hanging around. we sawa coupla sharks though, n a buncha fish, but nothing that was really stunning.

we spent 4 dayz on the island. snorkelling and swimming during the day, n drinkin during the nyte. bliss!!!!....fuckin bliss. on our way back, out flight got delayed about an hr so we decided to kampung the departure hall. we all sat on the floor and played cards. demented buncha people la. but i had truckloads of fun with these demented souls, so much so that i'll definately go holidaying with em again. FER SURE!!!

leaving was the hardest part. ive never wanted to extend a holiday as much as this. *sniffles* even before the end of one holiday, mel au is already planning the next one. sighz. its either manukan island, sabah or bali or krabi, which is in the south of thailand i think. looking forward to it babe. the trip back was hell. it took the whole sunday just to get back home. we left the island at 9 in the morning cuz there was only one ferry back o the mainland and it was leaving at 9. after the ferry ride was the bus one which took 3 hours. once we reached the airport, it was a plane ride back to kl. then it was another bus ride to kl central station and then the bloody lrt to pj. i hate public transport fer a reason.

i know this blog is full of picz, cuz i didnt know whud to write about to i filled it with picz. but those picz took forever to edit. their worth the freakin effort though.

...- *moody* -...

im feeling outta sorts. i havent a clue why. im listening to this song over and over again, its like im hypnotized by it. i swear. its just playing over and over and over again. at this moment, it is at its twentieth run through i think and im just sitting here listenin to it. i dunno if im just depressed or whud, although i know for sure that im feeling something and this song is like magnifiying it tenfold. oh...for those who want to know whud song it is, its beyonce, flaws and all. swear, somethings seriously wrong with me. oh and on the same note, it reminds me of him. i lead a sad life. i need rescuing.

lame innit. on the lame topic, i watched spiderman 3 today. all i can say is, i was extremely dissapointed. the story line sucked. it was so draggy n boring that i totally tuned out, n concentrated on my popcorn. at least that was more amusing. dont get me wrong, the fight scenes n the graphics were tops, but i was bored to tears by the convo between kirsten, tobey n the other guy, their friend. i think my life has more drama in it.

the drama in my life. sighz. now thats something to reckon with. its bloody never ending. im supposed to have hols for three weeks before my next sem. guess whud?!?...i'll be lucky if i get two bloody days. im so looking forward to my redang trip. i need to chill, far away from everything. im so tired of everyone and everything. i dont know why but lately ive been thinking about him alot. thats my most tiring problem. well, its not a problem per se but...well you know how it is, it'll never end if he keeps coming back. part of me wishes he didnt, part of me is glad he did. its all a bloody see-saw i tell you. he's the part of my life that will never end. oh well.

damn it. that damn song is still playing and im listening to it like its the first time each time. im gonna be certifiably nuts soon. LOCK ME UP I TELL YOU!!!!..[ ok i'll admit, thats pretty random]..i think im just tired. sighz. i need sleep. aightz then, i think i'll end this rant session ryte here. and here is the haunting song. tribute.......

I'm a train wreck in the morning

I'm a bitch in the afternoon

Every now and then without warning

I can be really mean towards you

I'm a puzzle yes indeed

Ever-complex in every way

And all the pieces aren't even in the box

And yet, you see the picture clear as day

I don't know why you love me

And that's why I love you

You catch me when I fall

Accept me flaws and all

And that's why I love you

And that's why I love you

And that's why I love (hmm)

I neglect you when I'm working

When I need attentionI tend to nag

I'm a host of imperfection

And you see past all that

I'm a peasant by some standards

But in your eyes I'm a queen

You see potential in all my flaws

And that's exactly what I need

I don't know why you love me

And that's why I love you

You catch me when I fall

Accept me flaws and all

And that's why I love you

And that's why I love you

And that's why I love you

(ah)ha ha haa ha ha uhn!

ha ha haa ha ha uhnha ha haa ha ha uhn!

ha ha haa ha ha uhn

Don't know why you loooove me

And that's why I looove you

You catch me when I fall

Accept me flaws and all

And that's why I looove you

And that's why I looove you

And that's why I looove you

You,You, you, oh, you, you

You, you, you

You, no, you [haa ha ha uhn]

You, you [haa ha ha uhn]

You, you.

...- perfect lurve -...

...[ perfect lurve is not receiving ]..

...[ it's giving and forgiving ]..

..[perfect lurve is not red roses on valentine's day ]..

..[ it's the rest of the three hundred and 64 days knowing you lurve someone ]..

..[ perfect lurve is not phone calls and stolen kisses ]..

..[ it's the silent smiles in memory of your sweetheart ]..

..[ perfect lurve is not a grand wedding ]..

..[ but spending a lifetime together ]..

..[ perfect lurve is not fight, kiss and make up ]..

..[ it's lurving the one who annoys the hell outta you ]..

..[ do you lurve someone perfectly?? ]..

...- a great big fat WHY -...

...when im slowly breaking these walls that i surround myself with...

...why do you make me build them up again??...

...when im slowly beginning to trust you...

...why do you make me mistrust more??...

...when i am slowly feeling less pain around me...

...why do you show me so much more??...

...when i am slowly picking up the pieces...

...why are you scattering them more??...

...when im tearing less...

...why do you make me cry even more??...

...when i had a choice...

...why did i choose you??...

...when i am beginning to feel comfortable...

...why do you make me feel so uneasy??...

...even when all i do is resist...

...why do you insist on pulling me down to your level??...

...why cant you just let me be the person i want to be and should be??...

... instead of being something you want...

...all i seem to be doing is screaming out my true self who is forced to hide...

...constantly protraying an imposter more suited to your standards...

...how is it possible to feel so alone in a world filled with people...

...why do the small things that people who matter to us hurt ten times more??...

...how can i sit back and say that nothing bothers me when everything does??...

...why hold all your feelings inside but then again why publish it to the whole damn world??...

...its not like it gives a damn...

...i have no more fight in me left...

...cry a tear for anyone who is forced to be something they're not...

...just to fulfill someone's selfish needs...

...the chapter isnt closed yet...

...the book not yet finished...

...its just getting started...

...- attention -...

[...- is it too much to ask fer some attention?? -...]

[...- why arent you givin it to me?? -...]

[...-it hurts when the one who you crave attention from the most -...]

[...- is the last one who gives it to you -...]

*throws all my feelingz into a box, slams it hard and burns it*